A couple of fighters from a Muay Thai fight show
Earlier on this week, I had an impromptu meeting with my boss who asked for a quick 5 minute chat.
As a freelancer in a 3D company this can only mean one or two things: a contract or being let go. Unfortunately it was the latter.
I couldn’t say I was surprised, I had noticed how quiet the studio had gotten, the panicked look in my superiors eyes as the weeks ticked by with no more jobs should have tipped me off.
The only thing that was going through my mind was: why me?
When we lose our jobs, its almost like losing a person. A part of your identity. I had gotten used to the daily grind in our studio, letting it seep over into other aspects of my life and help mould who I am.
Because of this I think its fair to say I experienced the 10 stages of grief; shock, denial, sadness, anger, sickness, panic, guilt, loneliness and finally settled on healing and acceptance.
I don’t think it was a good week for emotional outbursts or for my poor boyfriend who tried his hardest to help me see the bright side; less work, less stress, more freedom to pursue art etc. I know its not too bad because I have a secondary job and had some money saved up “just in case”, but that doesn’t stop you from questioning yourself and wondering where you went wrong.
No matter how many kind words people say, or how they relate to your situation, no-one can help unless you accept you need to start helping yourself.
The one thing I found did help was going to the gym, a lot.
Since the start of January, (New Years resolution, cliche I know…) both my partner and I have been going to Muay Thai.
Boxfit Glasgow: Muay Thai Gym.
I used to go a few years ago, until life got in the way. I always remembered thinking how motivated and uplifted I felt whenever I went, whether I was making progress or helping out some of the other trainers.
This is what I’ve latched on to since losing my job. Being a part of this team has greatly helped, and punching and kicking a bag to the point of exhaustion is fantastic for getting your frustration out!
So thats what I’m going to keep doing. More training, getting fitter and focus more on myself and things I love rather than how a job can make me feel.
Maybe I’ll work in 3D again in the future, who knows. But right now, life is not as bad as I thought.