How to lose friends and expatriate people.

2nd

Selfish Friend #3. Paris.

Next Tuesday? Sure I’m free to hang out. Could I walk your French Bulldog Frankie? Er… yeah. Did I have Soandsos’ birthday, a four page group report and 16 Bar Mitzvahs to attend? Yep, but of course I can make time for this too 🙂

Sound familiar?

Everyone struggles with finding balance in life. This can be even more so within a demanding career. Keeping your brain fresh and your wits stimulated can only help keep the creative thoughts flowing. But why do we let ourselves be overused and overworked by people we consider friends?

Because we are afraid.

No one likes the idea of hurting someones feelings. No one likes the idea that they could somehow let people down in a way. If you don’t attend Soandsos’ birthday party, then that must mean that no-one will go. No one will share with cake and laughter. No one will bring gifts or cards. Soandso will be sitting alone, party hat askew, wondering what they have possibly done to offend you so. Birthday in tatters.

When it comes down to it, unless you are putting off performing life saving heart surgery to grab a coffee and paint your nails, being selfish is pretty much one of the best things you can do every once in a while.

Any real friend would understand the need for some much needed personal time. And if they don’t, then you don’t need them.

If you have had had the same group of friends since primary school, I would love to know your secret. From what I have experienced, either one or both of you change. Grow up. Meet new people. Get busy. Stop seeing each other so much and eventually it fizzles out.
If you find yourself putting your happiness and your needs on the back-burner, I urge you to re-evaluate these friendships. Of course you’d want to keep as many people as possible in your life. But its also reasonable to assume you might need to let go sometimes.

I am comfortable with losing friends if they don’t treat you well, don’t let you grow or if loosening the bond lets them or yourself realise your dream. But always do whatever you choose gracefully. Burning bridges make them a lot harder to rebuild.

I have several what I affectionately call “Selfish Friends”. People who understand to never hold themselves back from doing what they need to to better themselves. In every aspect of their life Liking to travel obviously has the natural downfall of being attracted to like minded people. But the issue lies when these other travellers then want to better themselves and travel. And that means away from me.

2nd1

Selfish Friend #1, Leeds.

2nd2

Selfish Friend #2. Australia.

Here are some examples of my extremely close friends who have left for new pastures.  Some I still talk to daily and some I don’t. Do I miss them all terribly? Yes. Would I turn back the clock and convince them to stay? Not likely.
This is the one time it is not okay to be selfish. It’s fine to feel anger, dismay and even extreme jealousy at the thought that your best friends could leave you. But thats also coupled with pride, happiness and yup, extreme jealousy that they are living their dreams. Its hard as f*** but you would never want to be the person to hold someone back. And all of these emotions push you to wanting to share that freedom. Get you out of your comfort zone. And hell, can make for a lot of free boarding across the globe.

Have any of you had to let someone go in order to make them or yourself happy? Have any of these people came back to you? I’d love to hear of any stories of anything similar.

Thanks for reading!

signature

A day in the life of a creative something something.

cats

 

ONE o’clock . Thats the time I left the office yesterday.  And if you’re thinking to yourself where do you sign up, let me clarify this. By one o’clock I mean one am. Leaving me looking this morning very much like a burst couch. With a cat on my face…

And I chose to do it.

To start, as like many of you out there, I’d like to classify myself as a creative person. And although that might conjure an image of drinking cinnamon lattes in dusky bookstores. Arguing who is really comparable to The Smiths and waiting for my flippant muse to grace me with her presence. The reality of it often is unemployment.
Or at least unemployment in your field.

I have been lucky enough to have been plucked a few months after graduating for a freelance Architectural Visualisation job. This is where I work on a monthly rolling contract for a 3D firm within the city centre of Glasgow.

I use the word lucky as thats pretty much all there is to it. If you know any one with talent, anyone at all, you’ll also know the struggle it is to get work.It doesn’t matter how s**t hot you are, how intuitive or unique. You have to assume that every one you are competing against is also as s**t hot, intuitive and unique. The difference between them and you being hired is how much you put yourself out there. And the luck you’ve got going for you at that time. Its all to do with contacts.

At university, I pretty much set myself up as a Yes (Wo)Man. And to anyone who’s read the novel by Danny Wallace or the motion picture starring Jim Carrey, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. (And if not theres definitely a strong recommendation that you do.) Essentially, you say yes to everything asked of you. Could you help me set up my class? Yes. Do you want to apply for this internship? Yes. Do you want to come for drinks with me and so and so? Yes.
People often forget that the last one is pretty much the most important. Talking to people and taking a break for yourself is one of the best things you can do to refresh your brain. People can’t live with work alone. You can also never be sure when you could meet someone that could change your life. Professionally or otherwise. Now when it comes to the rest, even if you don’t know how to do something or aren’t confident is doing so. The saying yes forces you to do it. You’ll learn. You’ll wing it. The worse that can happen is that you chime it down to a bad experience. But its an experience none the less.

Now staying till 1 in the morning because someone asked you to help out isn’t exactly ideal. But it is so rewarding. Not only do you get browny points with the higher ups (and working in freelance, where you can get let go at any minute, this is probably extremely important…), but you also get the learning experience and the chance to push your creative self to its limit.
If I never stayed late last night, I wouldn’t have woken up with the standard of work I produced this morning. And although you can be tied up with delivering deadlines and appeasing clients. Last night I took a risk, out with office hours, to try someone a little different with my image. A little bit more me. Because lets face it, thats what they hired me for.
And other people were willing to help me do it. All because I had stayed late to help them.
The risk paid off this morning with the client being extremely happy with what I had created for them. Although what I produced is extremely confidential so unfortunately I can’t share with you at this time. Taking this risk probably ensured more work from them in the future. And left me with what all creative people live for; pride in my work.

And thats pretty much all there is to it.

If anyone has experienced love for their work or a bad experience in this industry I’d love to hear it! Just leave a comment for me below.

signature